Ruth Haines
Airports are a common setting for jokes, with many puns and one-liners based on airport-related themes. From terminal jokes about illness to playful wordplay on pilot, luggage, security, and turbulence, airport jokes offer a lighthearted take on travel experiences. They can turn travel delays into laughs, providing humour during layovers and transforming mundane settings into comedic gold. Whether it's a playful greeting to a friend or a witty observation about airport life, these jokes capture the thrill of travel and the unique atmosphere of airports.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Theme | Airports, terminals, security, baggage, travel, luggage, passengers, tourism, etc. |
| Type of Joke | Puns, one-liners, dad jokes, etc. |
| Delivery | Verbal or visual |
| Target Audience | Flyers, joke-tellers, dads, etc. |
| Tone | Cringe-worthy, funny, lame, wholesome, etc. |
| Purpose | To elevate the mood, provide laughter, entertainment, etc. |
| Examples | "What do you call a plane that’s afraid to fly? A scaredy-aircraft."; "Why did the luggage go to therapy? It had too many emotional baggage."; "How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport? Re:LAX." |
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What You'll Learn
Terminal jokes
Airports and their terminals are a rich source of comedy material, from the architecture to the staff, the security checks to the delays, and the very human tendency to run into problems when loudly greeting friends and family.
One of the most common themes for jokes is the airport security guard, who in one joke is a stand-up comedian with a talent for "patting down" jokes. Another joke plays on the idea of a security guard ""winging it", while a third suggests that the best place to hide something is at an airport, as it would be "in plain sight".
Other jokes focus on the terminal itself, with one person claiming to have a terminal problem, and another saying they have an awful disease of telling airport puns, which may also be terminal.
Some jokes centre on the idea of emotional baggage, with one about a piece of luggage going to therapy because it had "too much emotional baggage", and another about long-standing baggage being something that can be shared in a mutually supportive community.
Then there are the jokes about the airport experience, such as the one about the airport that started a book club called "Terminal Reading", and the pilot who always tells dad jokes and knows how to "land a punchline".
And finally, there are the jokes about the airport infrastructure, with one about an airport using "jet streams" to stay cool, and another about a photon turning up at check-in with no baggage, being told they are "travelling light".
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Plane puns
Plane jokes and puns are a popular form of humour, often playing on words associated with flying, such as "take-off", "cruising", "up in the air", and so on. They are a pun-tastic way to elevate your humour and keep it flying high!
Examples
- "I spilled juice on the plane—the stewardess said, 'Orange you glad I’m here?'"
- "My love for aviation keeps reaching new heights."
- "The sky is truly the limit."
- "A pilot’s favourite dessert? Plane old vanilla."
- "I missed my flight—the gates had 'runway' without me."
- "My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing."
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Security jokes
Airport jokes are a popular form of humour, often told by travellers and comedians alike. Many of these jokes revolve around wordplay and puns related to airport procedures, security checks, and air travel in general. Here are some examples of security jokes:
A photon goes through airport security. The security guard says, "That's not a lot of luggage." The photon replies, "I'm travelling light."
A man tries to sneak contraband onto an airplane, but the pilot catches him and says, "That's not going to fly."
"Federal law prohibits jokes about airplane hijacking and bombing," I told the officer. "Don't worry about me; I take my bombs very seriously. My hearing is next month."
An aspiring actor was detained by airport security. All he said was that he was in town to shoot a pilot.
Airport security stopped a man with a vulture. "Your vulture has to be checked in and shipped with the luggage," they said. The man replied, "What do you mean, checked in? This is my carrion bird."
An airport security guard became a stand-up comedian. He really knew how to pat down the jokes.
Some additional airport humour includes playing with the idea of having a "terminal" illness or disease, referring to the terminal at an airport. There are also jokes about the high prices at airports, such as paying a lot for a simple ham sandwich and a coke.
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Baggage jokes
A buzzard turns up at the airport with two dead animals. The staff member at check-in says, “Sorry, only one carrion per passenger”.
A photon turns up at check-in for a flight with no baggage. The check-in agent says "Travelling light?" He says "Yes, I am".
Why did the luggage go to therapy? It had too many emotional baggage.
Since then, I've constantly had to deal with emotional baggage. Because they had the same amount of baggage as the airline.
Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage. A worst-case scenario. I lost my case.
A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel. At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?" The man replied, "Wrong question, comrade".
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Travel jokes
Airports and air travel are common sources of humour, with many jokes and puns based on these topics. Some jokes about airports and flying include:
- Why did the luggage go to therapy? It had too much emotional baggage.
- How does an airport stay cool? It uses jet streams.
- Why did the airplane bring a map to the airport? It wanted to stay grounded.
- What do you call a plane that’s afraid to fly? A scaredy-plane.
- Why did the airport cafeteria hire a chef? They wanted to take off the flavour.
- What do you call a nervous airplane? A jumbo jitter.
- Why did the airplane break up with the airport? It needed some space.
- Did you hear about the airport security guard who was a stand-up comedian? He really knew how to pat down the jokes.
- What do you call a group of musical airplanes? A concord.
- I drank a lot of alcohol at the airport last night. Now I have a terminal hangover.
- I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack! All I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
- What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane chocolate.
- I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. I think it may be terminal.
- Why did the luggage file a police report? It was robbed on the carousel.
- Have you heard about the pilot who always tells dad jokes? He really knows how to land a punchline.
- What’s a pilot’s favourite type of cookie? Plane sugar cookies.
- Why did the airplane join the band? It wanted to make some high-altitude music.
- Did you hear about the runway that got into a fight with the taxiway? It was a runway collision.
- Why did the flight attendant bring a ladder to work? To reach new heights in service.
- What do you call a group of airplanes playing music together? A fly band.
- Why did the airplane break up with the airport?
- Have you heard about the airport that started a book club? It’s called “Terminal Reading.”
- What do you call a plane that loves to dance? An air-ballerina.
- Why did the airplane get a job as a comedian? It always lands the jokes perfectly.
- My doctor says it’s a terminal problem.
- I have a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.
- A good comedian doesn't prepare jokes, he wings it!
- You know there's a spy in an airport, your job is to find 'em.
- I didn’t have a panic attack on the airplane the other day.
- You’ve never felt true fear until your passport isn’t where you think you left it.
- The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, 'The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the plane.
- Me: “I’d love to travel more”. My bank account: “Like, to the park?”
- For my holidays last year, I threw a dart at a map of the world and decided to go wherever it landed. I had a fantastic two weeks sitting next to the skirting board.
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Frequently asked questions
Airports are a great source of humour because they are a place of new beginnings, adventure, and excitement. They are also a place of boredom, frustration, and delays, which can be turned into something funny.
Airport jokes often involve puns related to terminals, planes, security, baggage, travel, luggage, passengers, and tourists.
Here are a few:
- How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport? Re:LAX.
- A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane. The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
- I drank a lot of alcohol at the airport last night. I now have a terminal hangover.
- I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack! All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Yes, there are several online communities and websites dedicated to sharing and enjoying airport jokes, such as r/cleanjokes and upjoke.com. These communities often refer to their jokes as "dad jokes" or "lame jokes".
